And speaking of Chicago…

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I took a peek at the OUTDOOR FILM FESTIVAL lineup last night, hoping there would be something good playing during one of my Chicago trips this summer. I was amused to find this (and I quote directly) “What To Bring Checklist”. While most of the items seemed obvious to the point of stupidity, there were a few bafflers.

“What to Bring Checklist
A list of things to bring to the festival to make it a more enjoyable experience.

* Blankets
* Snacks
* Cellphone
* Sandwiches
* Napkins or Paper Towels
* Chairs
* Popcorn
* Drinks
* Plates and Utensils
* Hand Sanitizer
* Bug Spray (just in case!)
* Trash Bag
* Serving Utensils
* Jacket or Sweatshirt
* Camera
* Card Games
* Board Games
* Books, Magazines, or Crossword Puzzles for before the movie”

A cellphone will not make the movie-going experience more enjoyable for anyone. I was also puzzled by the “just in case!” after bug spray, unless they are suggesting it as an alternative to mace, should you have a cellphone-yakker on the blanket next to yours. In which case I suggest a can of oven cleaner as a more immediate and permanent deterrent.
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Last night we watched some old Bewitched episodes that, unfortunately, had been “colorized”. I noticed that the colorization doesn’t extend to the inside of the actor’s mouths – making everyone’s teeth look gray or yellow-green – the effect is one of rampant, poor dental hygiene. This in turn made me remember those creepy Clutch Cargo cartoons in which the entire show was barely animated, except the mouths, which were filmed. Here’s a representative clip: (What’s up with Spinner’s lipstick? God. No wonder this thing scared me.)

And finding that lead to this, which made me laugh. Because I am twelve.

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Today will be spent in trip preparation and massive beer consumption to allay the associated anxiety over house, pets, etc. We have a good house-sitter lined up (well, she won’t actually be staying here but will make several trips to tend to kitties and plants) and I really have no good reason to worry…except that it’s what I do. Still trying to decide if I want to haul the laptop along – if not, posts will be few and far between for the next week, which, based on this particular pointless exercise, would probably be a good thing for all of us.
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Two words: Hell. No.

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Do you know where these people are?

No? They’re 1,353 feet above ground in a GLASS BOX HANGING OFF THE SIDE OF THE SEARS TOWER.

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I’ve never seen a purple cow…

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Older Charge (upon seeing my new handbag): I’ve never seen a purple purse! I like that!

Younger Charge: Purple is my favorite color! No wait, what is that other color that’s like purple?

Older Charge: Blue?

Younger Charge: No…

Me: Pink?

Younger Charge: No, that other color. Like that on that picture (points to a drawing on the table.) Green.

Older Charge: Green?

Younger Charge: Yes, green! Green is my favorite color!

Older Charge: But green isn’t like purple at all.

Younger Charge (angrily): It is to me.
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Go Ask…Beatrice?

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I was at Borders this week and was surprised to see a newly-minted copy of this book on the shelves:

When I was in junior high, this book was widely circulated among my friends and peers. It was purported to be the real diary of a girl who falls in with the ever-warned-against-by-our-parents “wrong crowd”, gets hooked on drugs but is redeemed at the end, when she realizes the error of her ways and gets clean. I fully believed that it was a real teenager’s diary and agonized at the abrupt ending, in which a unwitting Alice gets handed a “dosed” soft drink at some hippie party and od’s. Perfect for my adolescent, tragedy-loving soul.

Some time after graduating from college, I found a copy of the book at a thrift store and upon re-reading it, I remember thinking that the book’s overly-moralistic tone and writing style didn’t ring true somehow. Well, I just found out why. The book was actually written by one BEATRICE SPARKS, a Mormon, self-proclaimed psychologist of questionable credentials, who apparently wrote and published many of these “real” diaries through the 60’s and 70’s.
There’s a good dissection of Sparks and her fraud (and the enduring popularity of Go Ask Alice) HERE. All of which makes me wonder if James Frey and Laura Albert wish they’d stuck to writing and kept their mouths shut.
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Pour out a 40 of Oxi-Clean for my homie, Billy Mays.

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YEP.

Celebrageddon™ continues, although Death now seems to be concentrating on the D-List. Whatever. As long as it swings back around and wields the mighty scythe of doom at Madonna or Oprah next, I’m cool with it.
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Baby Charge’s party was fun but it lead to a new discovery of my limits – two beers + afternoon heat = exhaustion. I was wiped out after just a couple of hours…but managed to rally when some friends called us to say they were over at our FAVORITE LOCAL HANGOUT. Beer and laughs were had, then sleep was had. We got up this morning and met some other friends at ENOTECA for brunch…our friend Erik ordered coffee AND a Bloody Mary – I had just ordered coffee, with plans for a Bloody Mary to follow but I liked his idea of the recovery beverage/hair of the dog combo, so I followed suit. And guess what? I have a headache now and will napping shortly. Quelle surprise.
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I worked through my travel angst and have booked another Chicago trip for the end of July. Now that Mystery Bros. kids are older and my sister’s kids are about to scatter for college, these big reunions are going to be fewer and farther between and I didn’t want to miss out. My mom is thrilled that all of her little chickies and 2nd-generation chickies will be home to roost for a week or so. She called me today to ask if S. and I needed anything from Sam’s Club. Uh, no….
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I want to leave you with this home movie CLAUDIA sent me. I think she’s the girl feeding part of her sandwich to a dog, then offering the rest to her friend. Enjoy.

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Recovering.

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Saw the charges this week for the first time since their beloved grandmother’s death. Tears were shed and conversations were had about how exactly one gets to heaven, who you see there, how old you are when your parents die, who cried at the funeral, and so on. I think oldest charge is handling it pretty well – we had a very tearful hug when I first saw him on Thursday. Younger charge, is, I think, having a harder time. I think it’s easier for older kids to accept abstract concepts than it is for younger – or at least for this particular kid. Anyhow, they are getting through it and I was very happy to see them and their folks.

Baby charge sprouted two new teeth while they were gone and continues to be the cutest baby in Austin. (Sorry other Austin babies, it’s a fact, and if it were appropriate to post a picture to prove it I would.) His first birthday party was delayed due to the other events, but today is party day. There will be cake, booze, slip & slides and I am sure the entire family is ready to celebrate a happy occasion.

I am feeling much sympathy and empathy for the charges’ mom right now – I still remember very clearly the haze of emotions immediately after my dad died – the death of a parent has to be one of the most surreal things one can go through.
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That’s about all I have for you, internet. Unless you want to hear about the hot weather again. I know I don’t. Tally ho.
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Celebrageddon!

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I am somewhat indifferent about Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson but I will tell you which celebrity death did give me pause today. The one you probably didn’t hear about.

SKY SAXON, lead singer and bassist of seminal garage rockers The Seeds died this morning here in Austin. I first heard The Seeds via Mystery Brother, who was a big fan. Pushin’ Too Hard was, is and will always be one of my favorite songs. So here’s to Sky and the rest of them…and let’s all pray that Madonna is next.

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Jingle-jingle-jingle!

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Do you hear that, America? It’s the sound of WEE BABY JINGLES wending his way home to his mama, CLAUDIA. Oh sure, Jingles has undergone a few changes since he was last seen, but oh, how he wanted to go home…by any means necessary. Bwahahahahhahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
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So, besides snakes and snake dreams, what do we have in Lassville these days? Well, last night, I dreamed about floods again. Specifically, a flooding river from which I saved a cat. I thought it was Stevie but after I jumped into the water and grabbed it, realized it was the late, lamented Puffball…a cat I had about 15 years ago.
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Am I boring you with all this nightmare chatter? And more to the point, what is my problem these days? I have been a bit blue over the past few weeks – due in roughly equal parts to the following:

1. Father’s Day
2. Death of charges’ grandma
3. Writing paralysis on the big project
4. Cabin fever due to extreme heat which makes doing anything outside very unpleasant
5. Lethargy induced by #4
6. Insomnia induced by #’s 1-5
7. Insert your guess here
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My bummed-ness was compounded today when I realized that my entire family will be converging in Chicago two weeks AFTER I’m there in July. I actually have that week off and am toying with the idea of going back up but I’m not sure I want to lay out the heavy cash on another plane ticket. The trip in early July is going to be expensive because we’re renting a truck to drive back to Texas (I’m getting the last of my haul from my Dad’s stuff). I feel like I should just suck it up and buy another ticket because it’s going to be one of the last times we’re all together for a while.
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In summation: Jingles, nightmares, in a funk. The end.

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Snakes alive!

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Had a nightmare in which I was pulling dead foliage off a tree in front of the house and as it fell down on me, I realized there were also several large snakes in the tree…snakes that fell to the ground and sat there, staring at me. Now, before you amateur Freuds make your dick jokes, I looked up “snakes” in my dream dictionary this morning and they relate to fear and healing…both of which I can relate to my waking life these days. Here’s the weird thing: I went out early this morning to water the lovely ABELIA plant S. bought me and when I went to turn on the hose…there was a snake curled up right next to it. I jumped back and it slithered under the house. Oh joyous day. This makes three snake sightings in or near our yard in about two months and that’s enough for me. Stay away from me, snakes!
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Spent part of this morning readying the charges’ house for their return tomorrow. I spoke with their mom this morning and it sounds like everyone is ready to get back into a normal routine – especially the kids. All of this has brought back memories of my dad’s death — I have so much sympathy for the tasks that lie ahead for her and her family as far as going through her mom’s stuff, etc. There’s a lot to be done after someone dies and in some ways, it just makes for a protracted grieving process and I know how hard that can be.
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I put a bid in on a Gooroo job earlier this week solely because the project sounded really bizarre – is that wrong? I hope not, because I think I bid low enough that I might end up actually doing it. I will post details when I can.
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Any sinners out there wishing for a preview of your future in Hell? Then come to Austin and enjoy our third week of over-100 temperatures. While my tolerance for heat is generally better than my tolerance for cold, this shit is getting old.
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Also, where the hell is everyone? One comment yesterday? You know, even chimps have feelings. Feelings that can be easily hurt and lead to poo-flinging. Just sayin’.
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That’s all I have for you today, interwebs. Tally ho.
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Nobody’s gonna go to school today…

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Oh, hi. Spent Friday and Saturday running errands and spent yesterday in a funk…wasted some time on Bookworm and Facebook, wrote some letters, talked with my sister, the end. I could have written expansive entries on all of those activities but in a rare magninamous move, I spared you, internet. You can thank me later.
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What I would like to talk to you about today is jewelry. Specifically, the kick-ass jewelry made by my friend and recent traveling companion, Susan. Working under the name RED I JEWELRY, Susan makes all of the pieces by hand and, well, just LOOK! AT THIS! STUFF! I bought this bracelet from her on our trip and have hardly taken it off since:

The weight of her pieces, particularly the bracelets, feels good. Really good. Susan’s work uses a mix of re-purposed vintage chains and beads as well as silver and gold pieces cast from old costume jewelry finds. Susan is a the sole proprietor of her business and while I don’t frequently promote my friends’ endeavors, I wanted to give her a shout out. She is also a beautiful person in every sense of that word and can drive the shit out of a rental car through the mean streets of NYC. So check out her stuff and keep Red I in mind when you want to treat yourself or someone else.
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