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Or Borders, as the case may be. I went there this afternoon to finish up some gift shopping. I generally prefer to go to Book People, but I was feeling lazy and decided to gamble on the corporate behemoth having what I wanted in stock.
One of the books I was looking for was THE PHANTOM TOLLBOOTH. I couldn’t find it in the independent readers section, so I used the computer kiosk and did a search. The computer told me to look in the “Fantasy/Horror” section of the independent reader shelves. I looked and didn’t see that header on any of the shelves so I asked a worker where I should look. “Oh, that’s probably in our new ‘Books for Boys’ section.” (Excuse me, your what?) And there it was, the “Books for Boys” section, filled with science fiction and fantasy books. And there next to it was the “Books For Girls” section, which seemed to consist of pink-spined books on various topics like friendship and sewing.
Me, to worker: “So, if I’m buying this alleged “boys” book for a girl, am I going to get stopped at the door?”
Worker: (Blank stare.)
I’m not even a half-assed feminist but it really bothers me that in this day and age, books are being categorized this way. Savvy girls and boys will read what they want but I know that at least some won’t dare cross the Borders-sanctioned gender lines and that makes me angry. What do you think, America? Am I overreacting or is this as bad an idea as I think it is?
My nephew has one of these LITTLE LIT BOOKS and it is phenomenal. If you have a kid who likes to write or draw, I heartily recommend checking these out.
That’s all I have for you today, internet. I’ve been second-guessing every entry I’ve written on my trip – I had a long entry written out this morning but for some reason, I don’t feel like sharing the intimate personal details of my weird family today. Maybe tomorrow.
Things On My To-Do List for Today:
Clean off my desk.
Work on notes for mystery interview.
Unpack my suitcase.
Return emails and phone calls.
Things I Could Have Done Today:
All of the above, plus:
Write out holiday cards.
Wrap and pack holiday gifts.
Take a walk.
Instead, I used my cold as an excuse to mill around the house, reading magazines, eating crappy food and generally wasting time. And now, I am watching the fine Fox Saturday night lineup and drinking a nice glass of Montalpuciano so it’s unlikely that any of the things on list 1 or 2 will be done until tomorrow.
My niece and nephew have developed their own hybrid wrestling/tae kwan do game called Keia. The game starts with both of them on their knees facing each other, hands entwined. Then one of them says, “One, two three…” and they both shout “KEIAAAAA!” and the fun begins. There are eight keia moves, some legal, some not.
The Keia moves, as dictated to me by the kids:
1. The Big Annie (forward and backward). This moves consists of Annie pushing Gabe with her butt or her chest until he lands on the couch. Legal.
2. The Ginormous Gabe. In which Gabe rears back, arms up and hands extended into “claws” as he mock-body slams Annie. Legal.
3. Keia Showdown Smash. Not a finesse move – basically both of them flailing around on the floor. Illegal.
4. Keia Killer. Another free-for-all which can be stopped if either player rolls into a ball and says, “Killer Stop!” Legal.
5. Keia Mega Punch. Basically a gut-punch. Illegal.
6. Keia Kuffs. In which Annie sits on Gabe’s back and pulls his hands behind his back and “cuffs” him. Legal.
7. Keia Leg Lift. In which Gabe pins Annie, then bends her leg up toward her head. “It doesn’t even hurt – it’s like yoga!”, says Annie. Legal.
8. Keia Fake-Out. In which one or the other pretends to start one of the other 7 moves, then changes to a different one. Legal.
WALMART WORKER DIES AFTER BEING TRAMPLED BY UNRULY SHOPPERS.
Based on the average weight of the Walmart shoppers I’ve seen, it was, at least, a quick death.
Thank you, I’ll be on the internetses all week.
Saturday I got a 24-hour picture of a typical day for Annie. I sat down with my sister and her husband that night, got a few questions answered and was feeling very confident for what lies ahead on that front. Sunday, all hell broke loose. Annie woke up around 7am. She checked her blood sugar and promptly vomited. She has a diabetes info. book that includes procedures for a sick day, so I put her on the couch, read that as fast I could, made some notes, and called her MD’s emergency line. A very awesome nurse practitioner answered my questions, gave me some tips and said she’d check in over the course of the day. My goal for the day was to keep Annie out of the hospital because I knew if things got that bad, my sister would cut her trip short and she really, really needs this break.
I’ll spare you the gory details, internet, but it involved bi-hourly blood sugar and ketone checks and corrective measures nearly every time. Imagine trying to maintain blood sugar in someone who is throwing up every four hours and you’ll have a general idea of the level of stress and detail involved. My mom came over mid-morning to be on hand in case things took a bad turn. We spent the evening chatting and drowsing in recliners while Annie slept fretfully on the couch. Thankfully, it was a short-lived flu bug and Annie was back to normal yesterday. The nurse called twice to make sure we were back on track and during the second call she commended my mom and I for being cool under pressure; “Nothing like trial by fire, eh?”. Indeed. But there’s no other way TO be in such circumstances.
Annie’s condition requires constant diligence (and a lot of time) as far as figuring out what she’s going to eat, doing the carb math to figure her insulin dose, blood sugar checks between meals, etc. She is going to get an insulin pump in December, which will make some of this less time-consuming. She has already completely mastered her new world – does all of her own shots, does the math on her meals (both with supervision) and is generally not very put out by it at all. Pretty impressive in anyone, let alone a 7-year-old, if you ask me.
Now, anyone want to tell me how I can weasel out of a trip to a certain rat-themed pizza place that I like to refer to it as the 10th Circle of Hell? It’s a little reward for one of the nephews, who had to stay at home and amuse himself during the sick day. I made the mistake of asking him what he’d like to do. I’m going to suggest Brookfield Zoo as an alternative. Wish me luck. But now that I’m thinking about it, the trip to pizza hell should provide ample blogging material.
There’s always a silver lining.
What is it about travel that makes me look approachable to people? While waiting for my oft-delayed flight on Friday, some youngish chick decided to make me her waiting lounge BFF. I made the mistake of telling her I was from Chicago because ohmy GAAAAAAAHD so was she and ohmy GAAAAHHHHD how great is living in Ahhhhstun? and ohmy GAAAAAHD her husband, who is really her boyfriend, looks just like Matthew McConaughey only darker and she totally asked him to totally dye his hair blonde so he’d look more like him but he said no. Issues, much? So yeah, I dealt with that for a quite a while. I got up and wandered off a few times hoping to shake her but as soon as I came back to the gate area, there she was. I did manage to ditch her when boarding the plane, so all things considered, it could have been worse.
When I got on the plane, a couple with an infant sat down in the seats behind me. The dad kept up a non-stop baby-talk monologue in this stupid voice: “Oh, Sam’s going on his first plane ride…oh Sam doesn’t know what a plane is…oh Sam’s little ears are going to hurt soooo much…oh baby on a plane, no one will want to sit with Sam!’. I wanted to turn around and say, “No, it’s Sam’s moronic dad and his creepy baby-talk who will be scaring off the potential seatmates”, but I contained myself. Good luck learning to talk, Sam, because apparently, your dad NEVER SHUTS UP. Creepier than that was when the mom, who was mostly silent, was trying to breastfeed the young’un and the dad said to her, “Oh, Sammy doesn’t like Mr. Lefty…he wants Mommy’s Mr. Righty!”. At that point, I was rueing my decision to leave the iP@wd at home and contemplating rupturing my own eardrums.
I made it to Chicago late Friday night (hello, 25-degrees!) and spent most of yesterday learning how to monitor Annie’s carb intake, how to give her shots if needed (she does all of her own except her overnight shot) and catching up with my sister a bit. There’s a lot to say on this front, but a small person just came down the stairs and I have to go play Auntie Mom.
S. and I watched the original Planet of the Apes last night and I just want to say that THE SHAT has nothing on Charlton Heston when it comes to acting that manages to be simultaneously wooden and histrionic. It really is an art form. I salute your cold dead hands (that are no doubt still holding on to a shotgun), Chuck Heston! Well done.
Things that are pissing me off today: Banks, Southwest Airlines, the news that it is only 18 degrees in Chicago (where, in theory, I will be heading later today), day two of a bad headache.
Things that amused me today: A conversation I overheard in a Kohl’s dressing room between two very sweet elderly women – sisters or longtime friends would be my guess – in which they ever-so-tactfully suggested to each other that they needed a different size, or a brighter color, etc. If that had been my sister and I it would have been more like, “You look like a whore in that” or “Are you trying to accentuate your huge ass?”. We tell the truth because we love, America.
Things that have been freaking me out lately: Dreams of ghostly cats, dreams of hawks, the fact that every time I look at a clock it’s either 11:11 or 3:33, the price of tea in China. Okay, I don’t actually know or care about the price of tea in China but still. I am in generic freakout mode lately. Have you noticed?
So that’s it from Austin. I will update from Chicago as time allows and after this exciting post, I know you will all be sitting in barely-contained anticipatory glee waiting for the next one. Tally ho.
Yahoo News is eerily Onion-esque this morning:
ASTRONAUTS VOW REMAINING TOOL BAG WON’T DRIFT AWAY
“We’re definitely not going to do it again. You’re not going to see us lose another bag,” lead spacewalker Heidemarie Stefanyshyn-Piper said in an interview from the international space station with The Associated Press.
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Claudia pointed me to a very funny product review on T@rg3T’s website this morning and it reminded me of something I don’t think I’ve discussed here. Have you ever read FAKE PRODUCT REVIEWS on Amazon? I have heard that there is a contest among certain writers (some names you would know) to see who can post the most non-censored reviews in a six-month period. But I would never participate in anything that juvenile. Much. You kids see that you don’t, either.
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I am leaving for Chicago tomorrow. Am I packed? No. Will I be before tomorrow morning? Probably not, because as usual, I am going through my tragedy-brain preparation for travel first. This consists of worrying about deaths, plane crashes, lost cats, houses burning down and anything else I can cram in. I do think I can at least partially blame my dire Irish heritage for this but it’s mostly my own anxious soul.
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So…what are you looking at? I can’t stay here all day entertaining you people. I got me some frettin’ t’do.
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