_________
Saw the charges this week for the first time since their beloved grandmother’s death. Tears were shed and conversations were had about how exactly one gets to heaven, who you see there, how old you are when your parents die, who cried at the funeral, and so on. I think oldest charge is handling it pretty well – we had a very tearful hug when I first saw him on Thursday. Younger charge, is, I think, having a harder time. I think it’s easier for older kids to accept abstract concepts than it is for younger – or at least for this particular kid. Anyhow, they are getting through it and I was very happy to see them and their folks.
Baby charge sprouted two new teeth while they were gone and continues to be the cutest baby in Austin. (Sorry other Austin babies, it’s a fact, and if it were appropriate to post a picture to prove it I would.) His first birthday party was delayed due to the other events, but today is party day. There will be cake, booze, slip & slides and I am sure the entire family is ready to celebrate a happy occasion.
I am feeling much sympathy and empathy for the charges’ mom right now – I still remember very clearly the haze of emotions immediately after my dad died – the death of a parent has to be one of the most surreal things one can go through.
________
That’s about all I have for you, internet. Unless you want to hear about the hot weather again. I know I don’t. Tally ho.
________
13 comments
Comments feed for this article
June 27, 2009 at 8:26 am
freshhell
I think kids process things like this better when they can ask anything they want and there’s someone who will answer them simply and straightforwardly. Have fun at the party!
June 27, 2009 at 8:29 am
The Lass
They have received those kinds of answers but I think the younger charge isn’t as willing or able to accept them at face value. He has also just spent a long week around a lot of very sad adults so I suppose there may be a bit of confusion over why he’s being told that A) Nana is okay now but B) everyone is weeping. If that makes sense.
June 27, 2009 at 8:36 am
freshhell
It does. How old is he? Red still talks about Oscar half the time in the present tense. I think not seeing him dead or burying him makes it difficult, it’s not concrete enough. I never understood the “heaven” explanation as a child either. It didn’t seem plausible at all.
June 27, 2009 at 8:38 am
The Lass
He just turned four. I always found the concept of Heaven very comforting as a child. Not so much as an adult…particularly since by Christian standards, I am well on my way to Hell.
June 27, 2009 at 8:51 am
freshhell
I was too logical (and still am) as a kid. It sounded boring, too. Nothing to do all day in the clouds. Were there books? Tv? Movies? What if your friends weren’t dead? Who would you hang around with? My real grandfathers died long before I was born so they’d be strangers. My grandmothers were odd though they loved me but…what would we talk about? Since nothing new would ever happen in heaven. Clearly, I was the devil’s child from birth.
June 27, 2009 at 9:31 am
Freida Bee
One of the things I learnt in my teaching stuffs is that most children just become capable of learning algebra around the dawning of puberty, and that has to do with their new found abilities to abstractualize things around that time- something to do with their brains’ growing or something. I think some kids have a propensity for it sooner though, as the genius has been philosophizing for some time. I think he might be one of those deep thinkers, which is something I gather the older charge tends toward- if your blog contains any truthfulness, which I will be suspicious of until I see the cuteness of that baby for reals.
June 27, 2009 at 9:35 am
The Lass
Older charge is definitely a deep thinker and how dare you doubt the veracity of my words. The next thing I know, you’ll be accusing me of lying about being a chimp!
June 27, 2009 at 10:13 am
freshhell
Freida, beware! Lass sends really awful things to you in the mail if you don’t just go along with her delusions.
June 27, 2009 at 10:16 am
The Lass
Oh, Freida and I are real-life friends, Claudia. I don’t need to mail things to her…I can hand them to her in person! Like the framed drawing some random nut did of us on New Year’s Day, right Freida?
June 27, 2009 at 10:18 am
Freida Bee
Theoretically. We’re gonna have to see each other soon, for this to not revert back to a virtual friendship!
June 27, 2009 at 12:50 pm
Capricorn Cringe
His first birthday party was delayed due to the other events, but today is party day. There will be cake, booze, slip & slides
You give a one year old booze? You ROCK!
I don’t recall any deaths/funerals when I was that small. When I was 10 my cousin drowned and wasn’t found for a few days. There was an open casket at the wake and my mother made me go up front and walk by it. Of course, I looked. I was (and remain) completely traumatized.
June 27, 2009 at 1:05 pm
harri3tspy
AJ was so incredibly matter of fact about death at 4 that I was surprised (although we were dealing with the loss of his cat, not his grandmother). He did ask a lot of questions, which I answered to the best of my ability. I do think dealing with adult grief is more difficult than dealing with death for many children. It’s much more concrete and disturbing — grownups are so rarely sad in front of children.
June 27, 2009 at 4:42 pm
crankygirl
I agree with Harriet–I remember than seeing adults cry really messed with my head when I was a kid. What am I saying–it still does that to me.